Christmas cheer for whaat??! For who?!

Christmas time is here again. *Sigh* didn't we do this whole "Christmas thing" last year?
Yes, that is cynicism you are detecting as I am very much anti-Christmas. You could even call me The Grinch if you like.

I have 5 main reasons as to why I am against this time of the year.(ok, let me be honest there are many reasons adding up to a lot more than 5, but for your reading sake I have kept it to 5 - You're welcome) I should probably clarify that I am in no way Anti-Christ, I am just against everything this stupid season has now become about!

1) The chaos!
Chaos everywhere! The roads are chaotic, the shops are chaotic, even our homes are chaotic! Retailers have crazy specials on like 2 items and then all of the nation swarm to the shops to purchase them thinking they are saving millions. This time of the year families decide to paint their houses, buy new furniture, new bedding etc and all for what? And might I just add that all of this stuff is purchased on credit, so for the rest of the year you are paying off credit cards and retailers all for one day in the year when you can impress your family and friends? This doesn't make sense to me.

2) Road accidents are on the increase.
Throughout the year our road accidents seem to be pretty stable, then it comes to December and the numbers increase at an alarming rate. Its almost like when it rains in Cape Town and then people forget how to drive. Drinking and driving is a stupid idea on any other day of the year, why do you all go get shit-faced in December and increase the mortality rate on the roads. You fools then make it harder for us law-abiding citizens because the accident rate is so high that we would prefer not to take the chance of getting killed, so we just stay at home. And lets not even talk about the road blocks! We sit in these damn roadblocks for hours because they are trying to catch YOU out!

3) The season for giving.
Since when do we as humans need one season to give? How is humanity meant to prevail if we decide that December is the time we will be generous! How about we give to the needy throughout the year? How about we make the whole year a season of giving? Now look, I am in no way saying we should give hugely to the needy throughout the year, but give within your means just don't wait for December.

4) Jesus wasn't really born on 25 December.
You're aware that Christmas is a pagan holiday right? And you are aware that evidence in the bible shows that He wasn't really born on the 25th of December? I've known this for a while now, and surprise surprise I found this out in a church. I get annoyed with people who follow this holiday blindly and put up Christmas trees, not knowing the full story behind them. I won't kill the buzz for the kids who enjoy Christmas and want to decorate the tree, but at some point I will let them in on the truth. We follow traditions blindly set out by our forefathers not questioning them for a second. I would much rather start my own meaningful traditions with my family than to just follow like a sheep what our predecessors have done.
(I found a website that shows evidence that Christ wasn't actually born in December. Read about it here.)

5) My father was in a car accident on December 25th.
I think this may be the main reason behind my annoyance of this season. For those of you that don't know, my father was in an accident on Christmas evening and died two days later in hospital. The driver was drunk and this ultimately led to his passing. Christmas with my grandfather was such a sad affair as he always spoke about my father's passing. I don't think he ever really got over his son dying before he did. He always told me that a big part of him died when my father did. So yeah, Christmas time makes me miss my dad, and even though all of my above points are very valid I think this is the over-powering factor for my "grinchyness" over this period.

To end off I just need to point out that I was never like this my whole life. This only came about in my later years. I used to love Christmas, I loved the hustle and bustle of this season. I loved the gift giving, but that feeling sort of disintegrated over the years. My mom always made Christmas super special for me so it is sort of sad that I have become this cynical over the years. I must admit though that the part I miss the most about Christmas is spending it with my father's family in Durban. If I could spend Christmas with them every year I believe I may just find that Christmas spirit again.
Also, the person who hates Christmas the most (me) is now dating a guy who's birthday just so happens to be on Christmas! There really is no getting out of the festive spirit for me.

I'm a big girl now!

Let me start off by saying that this title is by no means meant to imply that I am over-weight. Look,  I am getting fat again, but that is not what I meant when I said "I'm a big girl now"
I merely meant that I am no longer a little child, one without responsibilities. I am now a responsibility baring adult contributing towards the increase of carbon monoxide in our atmosphere. I am now an interest paying member of society! Ladies and gentlemen I have purchased my very own vehicle!

This may not seem like a big deal to a lot of you as many of you are already part of that list destroying our environment and making the banks richer, but for me it has been such a huge step and commitment. I mean, which 27 year old does not have a car? Not me any more, but I used to be that lonesome individual who would get lifts from friends and used her boyfriend's car to get to places.
It's not even like I have never wanted my own vehicle, I just never saw a need for one. Cars are such huge responsibilities, and commitments. I hear how you people talk about how expensive the services are and how expensive buying tyres are. So yes, I used the easy way out and decided not to buy my own car and instead piggy backed off the rest of you suckers with vehicles.
Problem is, now I actually need a car for work, and I suppose now is as good a time as any to man up and get myself mobile.

Owning a vehicle is such a huge commitment. You are stuck with this car for the next X amount of years. Its much like having a child. This is probably why I do not have children. One cannot just "stop" having a child when you get bored of them, and I too cannot stop making payments to the bank when I no longer feel like it. I think this commitment to my car is preparing me to be a good mother. I'm sure there is a saying somewhere that goes: "If you can look after a car you can look after a baby." Which reminds me, I dinged my car already, so maybe I should hold off that baby for now.

I love my little Cocopop (that's her name) she is cute and small and she is just perfect for me. She has her flaws, I won't lie. Like when we go up a hill.  Usually one's speedometer is meant to slowly increase as you go up a hill, but not Cocopop I swear I see that needle slowly going down. I can almost hear her saying "I know I can I know I can I know I can..." as we take to the hills. Shame I sometimes think that maybe I should just get out of the car and push her along from the back, but then I think: "Imagine I was running up a hill and some lady decided to push my rear to get me up the hill faster." I would be very offended. One, for thinking my rear is big enough for you to grab hold of and start pushing and two, for thinking that I need your help getting there faster. Cocopop and I have an understanding so for now, I shall just leave her be. We will get there when we get there.

                                                             

Party in the KZN!!

I absolutely love the idea of living a celebrity lifestyle. Jetting off to different countries for parties, being invited to exclusive launches, eating at fancy restaurants, shopping at little exclusive boutiques. These are just some of my fantasies... you know, things that turn me on. Want to get with me? Make sure you use the magic words: "I have VIP tickets..." Then I am all yours!

This past weekend I lived a mini celebrity lifestyle on a budget! It was as close to being a celebrity as I would get.

I flew up to Durban early Friday morning to spend the weekend with my bestest aunty cousin, Chantal.

Chantal and I grew up together. Rumor has it that when we were still very young she would cry in the shops if her parents didn’t buy me stuff. She would always leave the shops with something for me. She was by far my coolest cousin, she would always allow me to do things the adults wouldn't. I had my first cider with her, she dyed my hair for me. She lied for me when I was meeting boys at the movies, she helped me cover up hickeys... She is the older sister I never had. (We even fight like sisters and steal each other's clothes just like sisters do.)

This is Chantal and I at a fancy dress, my mom had a sick sense of humour and thought it would be funny to dress me up as a drunk! Chantal's mom was less original and dressed her as a zulu girl.

I don't get to see her very often because she lives in Durban (shame) and I live in Cape Town, but when we do see each other it's usually lots of fun.

We don't even need to be doing anything exciting for us to be having a blast. One time Chantal and I finished a bottle of wine (in Champagne glasses, because we are fancy) and then took hundreds of selfies in our pajamas. The flash was too bright that we had to put our sunglasses on... and will you look at that, our pics looked so much cooler. (or so we thought)

This weekend that I spent with her made me realise just how old the two of us are. Gone are the days of us drinking till 4am, gone are the days of us watching music videos and chatting till the early hours of the next morning. Sleep has become more important. And dare I say this, but it has become more important than drinking too!

The weeks leading up to this weekend were exciting! We were counting down the days. Making plans to get "totally f***** up" this weekend. We were going to get shit faced and the plan was for me to go back home with a hang-over and feeling completely sleep deprived… nope, it didn’t work out like that. If anything by the time I left Durban I was completely rested.

My flight from Cape Town left at 06:20, Chantal was to pick me up at the airport with our friend Yugi at 08:30. I got there, and surprise surprise there was no-one waiting for me at the airport with my name on a board. What sort of celebrity doesn't have an entourage waiting for her at the airport? (When Chants comes to Cape Town I always make sure she is met in style)

This is a picture of me greeting Chantal at the Cape Town airport when she came to visit me. 

After messaging Yugi and Chantal and threatening to go back to Cape Town they finally arrived and we could officially get this weekend started. Let the drinking commence! Whoo-hoo!

We had breakfast at Mugg & Bean, you know to get a proper lining for the alcohol we were going to consume throughout the day, and then headed off to Beach Bumz, An awesome bar on the beach. It was a lovely day, the sun was out and the wind wasn’t too crazy. We sat on the beach and sipped colourful jam jars. Let me just add that it was probably only 10:00am when we arrived, but hey it was 5pm somewhere in the world right? Our morning was spent soaking up the sun, talking shit and planning future weekends away.

As much as we wanted to stay at the bar and continue drinking, the shopping mall was calling! 

After beach bumz, we moved over to Gateway to do some shopping, have lunch and more drinks. I was loving this life!

   

Loving the life until we broke down on an off-ramp holding up peak hour traffic. Thank God for SupaQuick and a certain Mr Sean Jagpath who helped these damsels in distress! 

It was Friday the 13^th after all. And let’s be honest, I would much rather have a breakdown on the ground than have one in the air.

By the time we got home the plan was to chill, have supper and then do this drinking thing properly. I brought a bottle of sparkling wine from Cape Town and Chantal had purchased a 6 pack of hunters. There was talk of making jam jars at home too, but after supper both of us were full and feeling sleepy!

Our conversation went a little like this:

Chantal: So you wanna drink?

Me: Do you want to drink?

C: Only if you wanna?

M: If you want to go to bed that’s ok, then we can party hard tomorrow on the bus?

C: Yeah lets do that, we have an early start tomorrow and we can always go out after the function.

M: Ok shot. Its sorted then! TOMORROW we are really going to get shit faced!

*And then we were in bed before 10.*

 Saturday morning we really did wake up early and because we didn’t drink the night before we weren’t fighting hangovers and were feeling nice and fresh for our long trip to the “Prawn Shack” Let me tell you a little something about the prawn shack! It was just that! A shack! Not a fancy shack, no, a proper shack. I think this shack concept is aimed at foreigners, or the rich white South Africans. You know how the foreigners want to experience the real South Africa. I’m sorry though, my mother struggled so that I didn’t have too. This eating out of enamel plates and drinking out of enamel cups was too much for me. Then when you look for the loo, you realise it’s one toilet and it doesn’t flush! AND there is no running water to wash your hands…  I could not even deal!!

 The good thing about this place was that the food was pretty decent and the alcohol was free. I had lots of tequila shots to help me forget about how dirty I felt. The owners of the Prawn shack add a baby prawn to the tequila shot. A live two week old prawn. I drank it like a champ- it was all part of the experience hey? And if there is one thing, I don’t want anyone calling me is a wuss. So as gross as it feels downing a live prawn I did it!

By the end of the evening I was pretty tipsy and I actually had a blast! It’s a wonder what a little bit of prawn infused tequila can do hey?

So remember how Chantal and I promised that TONIGHT we were going to end the weekend off properly? Yeah, it didn't work out like that again.

After washing off all of prawn shacks gunk we sat on the bed, ate samosas and then decided that we are too old for this shit! Lets just be realistic and call it a night! 

So that was my mini budgeted version of being a celebrity. I flew to Durban on a low cost airline for a staff party (it was somewhat exclusive, if we are being technical) and I didn't have to pay for my drinks! So really, its all about perception. 

Things I now for sure!

1) If you want to feel better about yourself, join Facebook. You will soon realise how messed up some people’s lives are and you will feel 100 times better about your crappy situation! Just make sure you have popcorn, the drama you are about to encounter is THAT good!

 2) That being said, if you want to feel worse about yourself, join Facebook. Nothing will depress you faster than seeing how amazingly lavish your school buddies are living while you are stuck in your dead-end job. Even if they have 400 children and a cheating husband they will somehow make it seem like that is the life to be living. Don’t feel bad that you are a 27 year old woman with no children or husband living with your mother and you don’t have a house on your name yet. I mean for example now.  

3) If you want to feel all warm and happy inside. Don’t get a boyfriend. Get a dog. Nothing will make you happier than a puppy will. 

 

See? Looking at these pics, don't you feel happier already?

 4) Exercise makes you feel energised… funny how that works hey? You go to the gym for a work out and you end up feeling more energised, yet you sit at work for 8 hours and you’re exhausted by the end of your day.

5) Friends will come and go, but boyfriends are forever! Psyche! Sadly, they both come and go. The trick is finding friends very early on in your life so that by the time they grow up and realise you are a horrible person they are stuck with you. I met my best friend, Ziningi, when I was 5. I have so much dirt on her from the first few years of our friendship, that she wouldn’t dare leave me now! 

6) Nothing will make you feel older than going to a night club in your late 20’s. Geez, forget the night club, the fact that I just mentioned that I am in my late twenties makes me feel old. 

7) A good hair day will make you feel like the sexiest woman on earth! Even if you are wearing granny panties! 

8) Traveling internationally is a bug! And it does bite! Its a good bite though. It makes you want to see more and experience different things. Makes you excited to interact with people from different cultures and backgrounds and try their cuisine. I think the government should subsidise international travel at least once in a person's life. (Problem may come in where once we've left S.A we wouldn't want to come back home)

9) Crying at night makes you look ugly in the morning! If you can avoid it, try not to cry yourself to sleep. Actually, crying anytime in the day makes you look ugly. Your eyes go all red and your nose starts running. (It's like your eyes and nose are in competition to see who can excrete the most fluids) Im planning on having my tear ducts removed for this very reason. Girl needs to look her best at all times. Aint nobody got time for tears!

This is what you look like to others while crying! 

Funny enough, having a good cry is sometimes all you need to feel better again. Ok, so maybe ignore what I said about not crying, just remember not to cry yourself to sleep at night. 

Don't let any-one tell you they look cute when they cry! It's not possible!

 10) You will not get along with everyone you meet! Sadly, as nice as you are and as kind-hearted as you may be, not everyone is going to like you. The trick is not to let it get to you. And this seriously is a trick... something you will need to learn. There will forever be people who will not like your personality and your face and your dress sense... and thats fine. They are entitled to their opinion. Even if their opinion is wrong! *insert Jacob Zuma laugh here* It used to bug me when people disliked me, even if I hated them they needed to like me. Why? Because I am so likeable DAMNIT! Then I grew up I suppose, and now when I encounter people who dislike me based on things they believe to be true (which isn't) I stick my imaginary middle finger up and shrug it off! When people dislike me for a valid reason, I still give them my imaginary middle finger! You cannot please every-one you meet... you are not chocolate!

Sooo... that's me. Those are the things I know for sure. So you see, being in your late 20's isn't that bad you learn things. I also have a list of things I don't know for sure... and yes, that list is a lot longer!

Love at first sight

Do you believe in love at first sight? You know how Hollywood makes us believe that boy sees girl from across the room and immediately sparks fly and they fall in love. The rest of the movie is spent showing the trials the two of them go through trying to be together. Even Disney has been fooling little girls into believing this nonsense. Lets take Ariel from the little mermaid for example, or even Sleeping beauty. The prince see's the sleeping princess and instantly falls in love. Pffft, please!!!  I don’t believe in that nonsense! I mean, I didn’t even fall in love with Warren immediately and I think our meeting was pretty "Hollywood-esque" I thought he was cute and all, but it took a while for me to actually fall in love with him. I do think however, that he may have fallen for me immediately he often lets it slip that he was smitten from our first meeting, but obviously he will never admit this, its ok though… I know the truth ;) 

This past week however, I fell in love. I mean head over heels in love… at first sight even! With who you ask? My niece! I met her for the first time and it was instantaneous!  To all my mommy friends out there, I GET IT! I FINALLY GET IT! 

I shall no longer roll my eyes at you when you speak about your little babies and how you love this little person with all your heart and how you could just watch them sleep for hours on end. I shall no longer grunt at you when you speak about how clever your little ones are. I shall no longer drift off into space when you go on about the cute things are saying and doing because I feel like I have been given a small glimpse into this club you guys belong too. 

I should probably clarify that my sister did not have a baby, she is only 17, so it will be a long time before she makes me an aunty (I hope). My cousin, who is like my sister had a baby 10 months ago, and as much as I have been trying to go up to see them I didn't put much effort into seeing the baby as I believe that when they are small they are kind of useless. All they do is eat, sleep and poop! Don't get me wrong, they are very cute while they eat, sleep and poop, but it's kind of a waste for me to go all they way to Johannesburg just to see her eat, sleep and poop. I think I chose the right time to visit her, as she is starting to walk and talk, only thing is now I am really sad that I didn't make the effort sooner! 

I arrived in Johannesburg late on Tuesday evening, and even though she should have been sleeping by the time I got there, she wasn't. When I walked into the room, she smiled at me and my heart immediately melted! I'm talking ice block on a hot pavement kind of melting! She has these big brown eyes that look into your soul! I cant describe it... it was just love! 

She slept in the middle of her mom and I that evening and I swear I got very little sleep. I was so scared to move as I thought I might roll onto her and squish her, so I practically slept on my back the whole evening. That morning when her mom left for work it was just the two of us in bed and even though there was more space now, I was paranoid because now I was scared that she would roll off the bed and onto the floor. (even though there were pillows placed specifically to prevent this.) Then when I would doze off, I would wake up suddenly as I couldn't hear her breathe. "Why cant I hear her breathe? I've heard of cases where kids stop breathing in their sleep." And so the cycle would go round and round till eventually she woke up and then I was forced to stay awake.

As much as I loved being with her, looking after a baby is hard work! Damn! After the first day I was exhausted! Like proper exhausted! They are like worms, always moving, never sitting still. I tried giving her a bath. The bathing part was easy, it was the whole process after the bath that got me stumped! She loves the water, she hates being taken out of the water. By the time she was dressed and ready both of us were in tears. My tears were from frustration as I just could not get her to sit still long enough for me to dry her and get her dressed. Her tears were probably because she was freezing cold and knew this aunty didn't have a clue as to what she was doing! 

Also, did you know that when babies eat there is usually a mess? Have you ever tried putting porridge in the hole of a straw? That is what it was like feeding her.


All in all I had the most fun spending time with her, but if I have to be very honest with myself, I don't think I am ready to have one yet. I like the idea of having a baby, but the reality is very, very different.If I do end up having a baby it would probably be because Warren looks so sexy handling a baby, (there really is nothing sexier than a man and a baby together.) but even the fact that he gets along well with babies is not enough for me to give up on my sleep... and sanity.