South Africa to Thailand. Day 6.

Before I left for Thailand my boss told me that I was to go snorkelling if I had the opportunity. She also told me not to get left behind in the ocean, as she has heard stories of people getting left behind in the sea. I was instructed to wear a bright bikini so that the people on the boat would always see me.

That was my excuse for buying this shocking highlighter yellow bikini. I was really just looking for any excuse to have it.

Our day started early again, everything in Phuket starts early… Whats up with that? We got to the harbour, jumped onto our boat and started our hour long journey to the Phi-Phi island. The images you see in the movies and on pictures does not do this place justice! The water is crystal clear, turquoise blue. 

Once we reached the Phi-Phi Islands a little motor boat came up to the bigger boat to offload all the passengers. The boat looked a tad run down, but that water was so inviting I wouldn’t have had an issue if we had crashed. 

There were different groups, the first group had lunch while the second group enjoyed some free time on the beach. We found a spot on the beach, and got comfortable. I took off my clothes and got ready for my tan and swim in my new, bright yellow bikini. The thing about this bikini is that the bottom half of it… once immersed in water becomes VERY see-through! What a shock I got when I got out of the water only then to realise this!

We swam in the warm ocean for about an hour, tanned in the sun for a bit and then headed to the restaurant on the beach for lunch. 

After lunch our group gathered around to go snorkeling. We were given our snorkeling gear and headed to the small motor boat. The boat took us out to sea, where we were given a short safety brief. The safety brief literally consisted of: “If you cant swim, stay close to the boat. If you can, be careful of the rocks as it is sharp and will cut you.” Brief over.

I was the first one in the water. There really are few words to describe what you see when you put your head under the water. The tropical fish are beautiful. You see the fish going about their daily lives. Im sure there were mommy fish taking the baby fish to school. And the bitchy fish gossiping about the nerdy fish over iced coffee. Or the boy fish trying to hook up with the sexy fish.

Snorkeling is really not as easy as it looks. And its not as glamorous either.  First of all the water is not standing still for you to enjoy. The waves are still moving, you’re trying to get into a breathing pattern because once your head is in the water you kinda freak out and loose your breathing pattern. Plus your life jacket rides up to your head once you’re in the water and your trying to keep it down and look cute in your bright yellow bikini. And to top it all off the fish BITE! I kid you not, the little fuckers bite! They didn’t hurt me too badly, but Warren was bitten open. Soon after that I saw Warren get back onto the boat and he didn’t get back into the water. I stayed longer, I just started moving my arms around more so that they wouldn’t get too close. All in all this was an amazing experience! 

 *Geez how unglamorous are these pics?

After snorkelling we headed back to the beach, collected our belongings and was then taken to the big boat that was too take us back home. After all that excitement, I fell asleep on the boat and only woke up when we docked in the harbour. 

 For supper, Warren and I took a “tuk tuk” out of Patong beach to a small town, where a friend had recommended a really nice restaurant. The food was divine. This was also the first time I had alcohol since being in Thailand. I had a strawberry dacquiri. That thing hit me for a 6, it was just pure alcohol!

Supper was divine! Another evening out on the town, another late night. Another early start the next day.

South Africa to Thailand. Day 5.

I could hardly sleep lastnight, because I knew what we were going to be doing the next day. We were going to travel up to The Big Buddha on quad bikes and then go elephant trekking. Our day also included a monkey show and interaction with baby elephants.

Let me tell you a little something about myself - Elephants are my favourite animal in the whole wide world! Some people love Dolphins and tigers and dogs or whatever (and yes, they’re cool) but me, I LOVE LOVE LOVE elephants. I was too excited to sleep. I felt like I was going to meet some-one famous. I think I might feel the same way if I knew I was meeting Vin Diesel the next day.

 I was up with no issue on Day 5. I am not a morning person but THIS morning was no problem for me.

The driver picked us up from the hotel lobby late, he apologised and said that just before coming to us he was in an accident. Shame poor guy. We got in the back of his “Tuk Tuk” and made our way to the meeting point, where we were going to start our trek up to The Big Buddha. We didn’t even get 1km away from the hotel and already I could see why this man had been in an accident earlier. He was a lunatic on the road!!! Swerving passed scooters, overtaking on a bend, speeding… I said a prayer, it must have been loud because at the end every-one in the “Tuk Tuk” responded with "Amen". Clearly I wasn’t the only one fearing for my life. I refused to die before riding an elephant!

When we arrived at our activities we were given a quick safety brief on how to use the quad bikes. The only thing I took from that briefing was: Don’t crash the bikes. That sounded easy enough. How naïve I am! Due to the heavy rain pour before we arrived in Phuket, the mountainous roads were uneven. I wish I could tell you how much I enjoyed the trip up the mountain, but I cant. It was scary and many times when we had to travel downhill I thought I was going to die. At one point I was ready to just climb off the quad bike and push the damn thing. And to think when they asked Warren and I if we wanted to share a quad bike my response was: “share? Ha! How old do they think I am that I need to travel with some-one?” I wish I hadn’t been so cocky! 

Finally after 20minutes we reached “The Big Buddha” This is the biggest Buddha in Thailand. It is huge, it is 45m high and 25m long, It is made of white Burmese marble is and amazing, its still under construction, but its still quite a wonder to behold. 

I tried taking selfies of myself and the Buddha, but eish my selfie game is weak! I actually have no game. The sun was in my face, the glare off the marble made me squint and I was pulling a weird face. Im clearly not one of those girls that can take cute selfies under any situation.

The only noises you hear when you are up there are the sounds of small bells ringing in the wind, some Dharma music playing in the background and the chanting of the monks. It was a very spiritual experience for me.

I got a blessing from a monk, which was the highlight of the trip up to the Buddha. 

Back on our quad bikes and now we were off to see the elephants. We passed many tourists riding elephants on our way up, this may also have been the reason I almost crashed as I couldn’t stop staring at these majestic creatures next to me. They were beautiful. I couldn’t wait for my turn.

We got to ride an elephant for 30minutes. Once I was on the elephants back I was so scared, being so high off the ground sitting on a “chair like” seat with only a piece of string tied across us to prevent us from falling off.

Our tour guide was kind of funny, he asked if this was my first time riding an elephant? I responded by saying yes, to which he replied: “Me too hahaha” some other comments he made: “This elephant’s brakes are not working.” “I hope he doesn’t run off like he did the last time” It was funny, but also not. 

After our trek we got to meet the baby elephant. Her name is Nicole Kidman and she is sooooooo cute! She is 10months old. I was inlove! It really was love at first sight. Nicole Kidman gave me a highfive, she gave me a hug and she massaged my back (and bum) Gosh I so badly wanted to take her home with me. 

We went to a monkey show after playing with Nicole Kidman. The Monkey show was sad. I hated seeing that monkey on leash and caged up. I didn’t enjoy it at all. Infact I had to fight back the tears, because I know how badly they get treated.

After our morning adventures, I was… you guessed it, STARVING! We went for a walk to find food. After lunch we went to starbucks to have some iced coffee, because it was crazy hot. And since we don’t have Starbucks in South Africa, we thought it would be a nice “after lunch treat”

I hated it! Im not a coffee person at all. My mouth was so confused, because the caramel flavour was nice, but the coffee was the part I had an issue with. I ate all the whipped cream from the top then handed the coffee to Warren to finish. He loved it. 

 

That evening we went for dinner and then to a “Fanta-Sea” show. It’s the main attraction in Phuket. The show is spectacular. It has a huge cast of gymnasts, dancers, acrobats etc. They used fireworks, pyrotechnics, animals and more than 25 elephants in the show. It was the ideal fantasy show. The storyline is about how the world was all good and then evil crept in and destroyed everything that was good. The world started over, but evil crept in again, until a young man with his magical elephant came to save the world. The man fell in love and he, along with his elephant and girlfriend lived happily ever after. Cute story actually. I wish I had a magical elephant! 

We had an amazing evening. We went for another walk that evening and then headed back to the hotel. We were doing a boat ride to the Phi-Phi islands the next day. I had to be somewhat rested.

South Africa to Thailand. Day 4.

We were up early, dressed and ready to head over to Phuket.

Phuket is a short 1 hour 25 minute flight from Bangkok. We booked an early flight to Phuket, so that we could spend more time at the beach. (We were told that there was more to do in Phuket than there was in Bangkok, especially where our hotel was situated – Patong Beach)

The Baiyoke Sky hotel  offered a free shuttle service from the hotel to the train station. Remember the train station is only a few hundred metres away from the hotel, but with the shopping we had done the day before our suitcases were a bit heavier than when we landed.

We got to concierge and was taken to the parking lot where we would be transported to the train station… in a GOLF CART!!! We drove through the streets of Bangkok in A GOLF CART! Have you ever in your life? It was very funny! I think we could have walked there faster. Once again, the smell that hits you so early in the morning is really something you need  to experience to understand what I’m  talking about.

I wish I could tell you how beautiful Phuket is from the sky as we were landing, but I was passed out in the plane. I hear its really stunning though, with its crystal clear turquoise water.

Our lodge was an hour away from the airport, a long drive through Phuket. Everything amazed me. From the traffic lights that count down your wait at the red light to the 4 adults all seated on 1 scooter! 

That afternoon our plan was to get something to eat, (because, yes, you guessed it I was starving again. I wasn’t up to having something local, so we opted for Burger King. I’m so ashamed of myself) and get a lay of the land. We walked around for hours, checked out the restaurants, the stalls, the food markets, the massage parlours etc.

Warren did most of his gift shopping that day, I just bought a few odds and ends. I was bored after a few hours and was ready to do something abit more fun. Because I was so well behaved while the adult was shopping I was treated to a “fish spa”. 

You sit with your feet in a tank and these little fish attach themselves to your feet and calves and eat all your dead skin. It’s the weirdest and most ticklish feeling in the world. After that we had a proper Thai foot massage. I am very ticklish on my feet and it literally took all my effort not to kick her in the face accidentally.

As we were sitting, getting our feet massaged it started pouring with rain! And both Warren and I were wearing flip flops. What a waste! 

We got back to the hotel, dried up, had something to eat (I was hungry again) and then made our way to Bangla Road!

Bangla Road is an experience all on its own. It is a long road, filled with clubs, pubs and restaurants. The vibe is amazing! It is loud and colourful and so very busy!

We bumped into some “lady boys” - that’s what the locals call them. We took pictures with some of them, only to be charged to pose with them! They charge you to use your own camera to take a picture! What madness is this?

We also bumped into a lady who was promoting a “ping pong show”. I hope you’re sitting, because what I’m about to tell you is going to sound like madness. Almost as crazy as paying some-one to pose with you.

Before we left for Thailand, I had done some research on these “ping pong shows” that are so famous in Thailand. I read that Rihanna went to one and was so disgusted by what she had seen!(she tweeted her experience) Now let me tell you something, if my girl RiRi says it was disgusting, or “too much” for her to handle, then shit, it must really be bad! But I was curious, so we followed the lady who took us to the show.

Before entering you are briefed: No cameras or cell phones are to be used while you are there, if you need to take a call you have to go outside. Your entry is free, however you need to buy a drink upon arrival. All of this seemed like relatively easy requests to meet. Tension was building and I just wanted this woman to stop talking so that I could go inside and have my mind blown. It was! I wasn’t even seated yet and already I was stumbling over my seat as I saw what was happening on stage!

*If you are a sensitive reader, I suggest you stop reading now as the rest is not for you. *

The lady gives you a menu, from which you can choose your drinks. In South African rands, one 250ml redbull works out to R300!!!!! A tequila shooter? R400! A juice, with no alcohol? R300! This was the most expensive drink of my life. And possibly the smallest as well. Then the woman has a nerve to still ask for a tip! I wanted to be sarcastic and give her tip like : Invest in real estate, but clearly the real tip was – work for a “ping pong show”. I swore at her in Afrikaans and she responded with Dankie! Hahaha my heart dropped, but nah she didn’t understand me, it was just one of the small words she picked up by working with South Africans.

Ok, ok back to the show. So this woman comes out on stage with a bra and no panty. She walks around in a circle, puts her hand by her “hoo-ha” and pulls out a BUDGIE!!!!! A bird! She pulls out a bird from her vagina! She sticks it back in and pulls it out again. That poor bird man!

Next lady comes out with a small fish bowl filled with water. Next thing you see she puts the bowl underneath her and out comes like 10 gold fish! Im not even lying to you! Gold fish! The previous lady comes out with a glass of water and one by one she pulls out little turtles and places them in the glass! 3 turtles later and the glass has been filled. Amongst the performers, we saw a lady place a cigarette between her legs, light it then proceed to smoke it through her… you know what. Another woman handed out balloons and then shot out darts which popped them. Her aim was incredible! Oh, and ofcourse there was the obvious ping pong. She squeezes the ball out, it bounces on the stage and into a glass of water. Again, I was most surprised by her aim. She would have been really good at netball I think.

After that, we walked back to our hotel and just could not stop talking about what we had just experienced. So much excitement that we only went to bed after 1am, we had an early start the next morning, I knew I was going to feel like death!