South Africa to Thailand. Day 4.

We were up early, dressed and ready to head over to Phuket.

Phuket is a short 1 hour 25 minute flight from Bangkok. We booked an early flight to Phuket, so that we could spend more time at the beach. (We were told that there was more to do in Phuket than there was in Bangkok, especially where our hotel was situated – Patong Beach)

The Baiyoke Sky hotel  offered a free shuttle service from the hotel to the train station. Remember the train station is only a few hundred metres away from the hotel, but with the shopping we had done the day before our suitcases were a bit heavier than when we landed.

We got to concierge and was taken to the parking lot where we would be transported to the train station… in a GOLF CART!!! We drove through the streets of Bangkok in A GOLF CART! Have you ever in your life? It was very funny! I think we could have walked there faster. Once again, the smell that hits you so early in the morning is really something you need  to experience to understand what I’m  talking about.

I wish I could tell you how beautiful Phuket is from the sky as we were landing, but I was passed out in the plane. I hear its really stunning though, with its crystal clear turquoise water.

Our lodge was an hour away from the airport, a long drive through Phuket. Everything amazed me. From the traffic lights that count down your wait at the red light to the 4 adults all seated on 1 scooter! 

That afternoon our plan was to get something to eat, (because, yes, you guessed it I was starving again. I wasn’t up to having something local, so we opted for Burger King. I’m so ashamed of myself) and get a lay of the land. We walked around for hours, checked out the restaurants, the stalls, the food markets, the massage parlours etc.

Warren did most of his gift shopping that day, I just bought a few odds and ends. I was bored after a few hours and was ready to do something abit more fun. Because I was so well behaved while the adult was shopping I was treated to a “fish spa”. 

You sit with your feet in a tank and these little fish attach themselves to your feet and calves and eat all your dead skin. It’s the weirdest and most ticklish feeling in the world. After that we had a proper Thai foot massage. I am very ticklish on my feet and it literally took all my effort not to kick her in the face accidentally.

As we were sitting, getting our feet massaged it started pouring with rain! And both Warren and I were wearing flip flops. What a waste! 

We got back to the hotel, dried up, had something to eat (I was hungry again) and then made our way to Bangla Road!

Bangla Road is an experience all on its own. It is a long road, filled with clubs, pubs and restaurants. The vibe is amazing! It is loud and colourful and so very busy!

We bumped into some “lady boys” - that’s what the locals call them. We took pictures with some of them, only to be charged to pose with them! They charge you to use your own camera to take a picture! What madness is this?

We also bumped into a lady who was promoting a “ping pong show”. I hope you’re sitting, because what I’m about to tell you is going to sound like madness. Almost as crazy as paying some-one to pose with you.

Before we left for Thailand, I had done some research on these “ping pong shows” that are so famous in Thailand. I read that Rihanna went to one and was so disgusted by what she had seen!(she tweeted her experience) Now let me tell you something, if my girl RiRi says it was disgusting, or “too much” for her to handle, then shit, it must really be bad! But I was curious, so we followed the lady who took us to the show.

Before entering you are briefed: No cameras or cell phones are to be used while you are there, if you need to take a call you have to go outside. Your entry is free, however you need to buy a drink upon arrival. All of this seemed like relatively easy requests to meet. Tension was building and I just wanted this woman to stop talking so that I could go inside and have my mind blown. It was! I wasn’t even seated yet and already I was stumbling over my seat as I saw what was happening on stage!

*If you are a sensitive reader, I suggest you stop reading now as the rest is not for you. *

The lady gives you a menu, from which you can choose your drinks. In South African rands, one 250ml redbull works out to R300!!!!! A tequila shooter? R400! A juice, with no alcohol? R300! This was the most expensive drink of my life. And possibly the smallest as well. Then the woman has a nerve to still ask for a tip! I wanted to be sarcastic and give her tip like : Invest in real estate, but clearly the real tip was – work for a “ping pong show”. I swore at her in Afrikaans and she responded with Dankie! Hahaha my heart dropped, but nah she didn’t understand me, it was just one of the small words she picked up by working with South Africans.

Ok, ok back to the show. So this woman comes out on stage with a bra and no panty. She walks around in a circle, puts her hand by her “hoo-ha” and pulls out a BUDGIE!!!!! A bird! She pulls out a bird from her vagina! She sticks it back in and pulls it out again. That poor bird man!

Next lady comes out with a small fish bowl filled with water. Next thing you see she puts the bowl underneath her and out comes like 10 gold fish! Im not even lying to you! Gold fish! The previous lady comes out with a glass of water and one by one she pulls out little turtles and places them in the glass! 3 turtles later and the glass has been filled. Amongst the performers, we saw a lady place a cigarette between her legs, light it then proceed to smoke it through her… you know what. Another woman handed out balloons and then shot out darts which popped them. Her aim was incredible! Oh, and ofcourse there was the obvious ping pong. She squeezes the ball out, it bounces on the stage and into a glass of water. Again, I was most surprised by her aim. She would have been really good at netball I think.

After that, we walked back to our hotel and just could not stop talking about what we had just experienced. So much excitement that we only went to bed after 1am, we had an early start the next morning, I knew I was going to feel like death!